When I first started playing poker, about the only thing I knew was which hands beat which (also known as the “hand rankings”). I knew so little about the game that when I look back on it now, I can’t even imagine what any of my decisions could’ve possibly been based on. But as I seem prone to do with any undertaking, I soon began to wonder how it all worked, with specific regard to whether or not it was something I might even be able to get better at. So I did a little research and learned that there was actually quite a bit of strategy to the game, which is when I really got hooked. TV shows led to magazines, magazines led to books, books led to Internet forums; I became a dedicated student of the game.

Along with this education, this realization that some poker decisions could be better than others, came the notion of “luck”. Prior to this, losing a hand simply meant that I would have to ‘try again’ on the next one. But as I started to grasp the concept of odds (that some outcomes were statistically less likely than others), I quickly began to learn that even the most mathematically correct decisions could still end up producing the least likely results – and that they could do so at what often seemed like an absurdly high rate.

For the most part, I was able to shrug it off when a hand didn’t go my way. But whenever another player would win a hand against me despite having made the most idiotic the most odds-defying decision possible (a “bad beat”, in poker vernacular), there was always a strong chance that my resulting anger and frustration (or “going on tilt”) would lead to worse decision-making and, subsequently, even greater monetary losses.

As it became more and more apparent that my inability to manage my emotions during these times was costing me money, I decided that some kind of adjustment would have to be made. So one day I literally just went to Google to try to figure it all out. I distinctly remember that when I sat down in front of the computer, I didn’t have a single clue what I was looking for. So after some quick brainstorming, I just started entering the first search ideas that came to mind; some as vague as “self-help”, others as specific as “how to stop getting angry in poker”.

Eventually, I stumbled upon an article entitled “Achieve Personal Happiness: Practice Staying in the Moment”, by one Dr. David Thomas. I recall that my initial reaction the first time I read it was something along the lines of “what in the hell is this hippie babble?”, especially since it included some kind of meditative exercise halfway through. But I was determined to at least try to understand how the author could have chosen the title that he did, so I reread it a few more times when, much to my surprise, it actually started to make sense. So much so that it even allayed enough of my skepticism to give the meditation part a try (which is saying quite a bit because the mere thought of doing so made me feel like an utter moron).

The exercise, as described by the author:

“Take a moment and sit in a comfortable place and observe.

What do you see? Describe the images around you.
What sounds are there? How many can you hear?
Can you smell different smells? (Some are pleasant, some maybe not!)
Tell yourself how the surfaces around you feel, the chair, the rug under your feet, the tightness or looseness of your clothing.
And finally, what tastes are apparent in your mouth?

Take a few minutes and reconnect with the world as you experience it in the now.”

The first time I tried it, I thought to myself, ‘ok, that was a little different, I guess.’ But the second time I tried it, I closed my eyes and made a conscious effort to focus on the sensations themselves, not the opinions or feelings they provoked within me. And what I experienced in that moment was very honestly unlike anything I’d known before.

When I opened my eyes, I felt…nothing. The office chair in which I sat was soft – but it was neither relaxing nor uncomfortable. The whirring of the fan in my computer was rhythmic – but it was neither soothing nor annoying. The lingering scent of cigarette smoke from a night out at the bar emanated from my leather jacket – but it was neither pleasant nor repulsive. All of these things were just – there.

When the moment finally passed, it took a few minutes for me to process what had happened. But once I did, I became inundated with an intense sense of freedom; a sense of unmitigated clarity and awareness. I felt awakened; like the veil of my emotions had been lifted and I was witnessing the true essence of reality for the very first time.

I felt like I was Neo and had just taken the red pill.

What I had learned was how to pull myself into the present moment, which is the only place where we have any real control. That’s not to say that we should never revisit the past or look forward into the future; setting goals and learning from mistakes would both be impossible otherwise. But when the time comes to make a decision, letting too much of the past or future into the picture puts you at risk of choosing actions that are based on how you feel about reality rather than reality itself.

In its practical, everyday application, staying in the moment is what keeps me from clinging to someone out of jealousy, seeking revenge for past transgressions, or becoming paralyzed by my own fears. Its how I remind myself that I can always give in to rage, sadness, and envy but that I never, ever have to. Understanding that I always have a choice when it comes to my emotions has been infinitely empowering for me, and for that reason, staying in the moment will likely be the foundation for just about anything I pursue for the rest of my life.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

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